Ask the Question and Prevent Suicide During the Holidays

Asking a friend or a loved one who’s struggling a direct question, like “Are you thinking about suicide?” is actually a loving and caring act that can open the door for honest dialogue that could save a life.

Does that still ring true when it comes to holiday gatherings, when you’re suddenly with family members or friends you don’t see all that often?

Whether it be a family member or friend, if we recognize someone is struggling it is important to ask the question – no matter how well you know the person. By asking the question, we start a conversation to identify if someone is in need of help and to let them know we want to support them.

At a holiday gathering, you may notice your aunt, cousin, uncle, sister or brother seems sad or withdrawn. It is important to approach them in an empathetic, nonjudgmental way to begin the conversation.

How can you express care and concern for their well-being without saying the wrong thing? Avera Behavioral Health experts share these tips:

• Choose the right time and setting:
  Engage the person in a private conversation in a safe location after you’ve shared some time together to get a better feel for how they’re doing. Not in the middle of Christmas dinner, and not after you’ve had a few cocktails and may feel less inhibited. This is a moment for sound and sober thinking.
• Portray a non-judgmental attitude:
  Negative life events that lead to humiliation, shame or despair may cause a person to consider suicide. This may include loss of a relationship or job, a downturn in personal finances or a change in their health status. The person may be abusing alcohol or drugs to mask their pain. It’s not the time to point out poor choices or focus on unhealthy habits.
• Actively listen:
  Through eye contact, facial expression and well-timed words, convey that you care, you’re ready to listen and want to help. Give the person time to fully express their feelings if they begin to open up. Moments of silence are OK. Phrases such as “It’s understandable to feel that way,” or “I care about you and want to support you” will communicate that you are listening.
• “Ask the question” if the time is right:
  If the person has given you enough insight into their personal pain and you still feel concerned for their safety, ask in a caring way: “Are you thinking about suicide?” It’s a myth that asking the question would put that idea in their head. If the person talks about having no reason to live, wanting to die or feeling hopeless, that’s a key warning sign. If they say “yes,” follow up with a question like, “have you thought about a plan for committing suicide?” The more detailed their plan, the more at risk they are.
• Be ready to suggest resources:
  Because you or they might be away from home, the national Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 might be a good place to start. When you call this number, you can talk to a mental health professional 24/7, even on holidays. The local emergency room is an option if you feel the danger is imminent – and go along if possible. In Sioux Falls, Avera Behavioral Health Urgent Care is a first stop for mental health crises and it’s open 24/7.
• Be there for that person:
  Even if you’ll be heading home soon, offer to stay in touch through phone or video chat. Encourage them to call you if they need to talk. Enlist the help of other loved ones who can be there in person.

Conversations may be different over the holidays, but the general principle is the same: express your concern for someone who’s struggling. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. You can make a difference.

Learn how to help a friend or family member.