Any number of experiences before, during or after military service can trigger a crisis. Those experiences – from combat, to high pressure situations, personal loss and transitioning out of service – can make those moments feel even heavier. All of this can weigh on veterans, and when it does, it often weighs upon their families, too, especially their spouse.
“They know there's something wrong. They can see it. They know who they were before and after the traumatic event,” said Jeff Hurst, an outpatient therapist with the Avera Employee Assistance Program, and a Navy veteran.
This puts the spouse in a challenging position. They want to help, but they also don’t want to push too much. Hurst said the first step is to learn as much as you can about what the veteran is going through.
What a Veteran’s Spouse Can Do
“I would encourage them to do as much research as they can about the disorders,” said Hurst. “Learn as much as they can about anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder or PTSD. Hopefully that education gives them some insight on what to expect, what they're going through and here's some different ways that I can continue to help support them.”
Next, let the veteran know that you’re there to help, even if they don’t want to talk about what’s bothering them.
“If they're not willing to engage because they just don't want to talk about it, that's a big barrier,” said Hurst. “Part of it is just letting them know, ‘hey, when you're ready, I'm here,’ and if you see changes, you see them acting or reacting to things differently, keep giving them support and encouragement.”
Veterans can be really good at suppressing their feelings, ignoring their problems, and that can be effective, but anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder or PTSD don’t just go away, so don’t give up on trying to get them help.
“Don’t give up on them,” said Hurst. “Be supportive, encourage them, ask other family members or people that the veteran may have a really good relationship with and ask them to talk to them.”
Ask the Question to Prevent Suicide
If the problems persist and you’re worried about a veteran who might be thinking about suicide, don’t be afraid to ask the question: Are you thinking about suicide? Asking won’t cause harm — it could start an important conversation.
“Absolutely, 100% ask the question,” said Hurst. “Data and studies show you're not going to make them more apt to attempt suicide than if you don't ask the question because you're basically showing that you care.”
Asking the question shows that you care, but sometimes people hesitate to ask because they’re afraid that the answer may be yes. If it is, Hurst says that just being present is crucial. Don’t leave them alone until they can get some help. Thankfully, help is easily accessible,
Help for Veterans With Suicidal Thoughts
- The national Veterans Crisis Line, which is also the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, is the best option for the most acute, in-the-moment, support for suicide prevention. Dial 988, then press 1 for veterans, because they get you connected with a licensed counselor and they connect you with the closest VA.
- In Sioux Falls, anyone in crisis can go to 24-hour Behavioral Health Urgent Care at the Avera Behavioral Health Hospital, or their local emergency room.
If the veteran isn’t in immediate danger:
- Military One Source provides help for active duty, National Guard or Reserve service member and their families.
- The caregiver support program through Military One Source offers spouses and families a respite so they can get a break from those stressful situations and take care of their own mental health.
- Veterans no longer serving and their families can access a variety of programs through the National Center for PTSD.
“There's a lot of really great resources and a lot of really great people working on this epidemic,” said Hurst. “Wings of Valor, Veterans Community Project, Warriors Never Give Up and even your local chapters of the American Legion, DAV, PVA, Wounded Warriors, I think all these agencies do a great job of supporting veterans.”
Learn more about suicide prevention and Avera behavioral and mental health services.
