Whether you call yourself an extrovert or introvert, humans are social creatures meant to live in community. Unfortunately, we sometimes find ourselves in seasons where we feel lonely and don’t have much for social connections.
“Know that you’re not the only one who feels lonely,” said Tim Heerts of Avera Employee Assistance Program (EAP). “Many people are open to making connections and new friendships.”
Consider the possibility that there are people out there who’d be lucky to have a friend like you.
Step Out to Meet New People
If the idea of meeting new people seems daunting and scary, you can reframe your approach — pour into yourself, your interests and your community.
Enrich your life by trying these simple opportunities:
- Volunteers are needed everywhere — hospitals, long-term care facilities, food pantries and shelters.
- Become an aide for your child’s teacher or volunteer at their school.
- Get involved in groups or opportunities at your place of worship.
- Work out — just go walk outside, enroll at a gym or check out a new class.
- Take advantage of networking opportunities through work.
- Keep your eyes open. Whether you go to the grocery store or local event, look for small opportunities to serve.
While hiking in the Black Hills by himself, Heerts came across a family who seemed lost. “I stopped to chat and told them about a trail hiking app. They downloaded it, I explained some of the details, and they were able to go on their way confidently. It wasn’t a lifelong relationship, but it was a positive interaction.”
You never know what being “out there” or “available” might lead to.
Invest in Existing Relationships
Losing touch with friends or relatives is natural. Reach out; a surprise text from you saying, “Hey, how’s it going? It’s been a while…” might be exactly what they need to brighten their day. Or, consider that coworker or person at the gym you talk to here and there — that could be a friendship just waiting.
“Take the next step and ask one of these existing acquaintances to coffee or lunch,” said Heerts. “Relationships take time to build, so while brief exchanges are great, it’s the longer interactions and vulnerabilities that build connections.”
Remember, not everyone will respond the way we hoped, said Heerts. Not every relationship will turn out — that’s normal. But working on yourself and trying to work through things effectively will leave you with the confidence that you did your best in that time and space.
Loneliness: Just as Bad as Smoking
Shift Your Mindset for a Better Approach
It’s normal to feel a little sorry for yourself when you feel lonely, but you don’t want to stay there. Shifting your mindset to the positive could look like:
- Admitting that your social circle needs expanding, allowing you to take responsibility
- Realizing that it’s your awesome opportunity to improve the situation
- Discovering your courage to step out of your comfort zone
- Finding exciting things in your community that get you out and about
- Focusing on wanting others, and not just being wanted
We’re not talking toxic positivity, as in, not acknowledging the very real pain of loneliness, but we encourage the mindset of embracing your life where you’re at and knowing that there’s potential in all things.
“Cultivating an awesome life that you love, that’s in your power,” said Heerts. “People will notice and want to be a part of it.”
Talk with a Therapist
If you need to talk through loneliness-related issues, schedule an appointment with a behavioral health counselor. Check to see if your employer offers confidential counseling services through an Employee Assistance Program.
