Burnout and Stress: Caring for the Caregiver During Cancer Treatment
When cancer touches a loved one or friend, it’s natural to jump in and help. Yet taking on that role can be stressful. Remember, as a caregiver, you need a care plan, too.
Caregivers are often the unsung heroes of a cancer journey, taking on extra tasks of accompanying patients on appointments, cleaning living spaces, making meals or just being a listening ear.
Melanie Van Tol, MSW, OSW-C, is an Avera Cancer Institute social worker, and she encounters many individuals thrust into this new role who are struggling.
“When I ask how the caregiver is doing, he or she often jumps into ‘we’ statements regarding how the patient is getting along, when’s the next appointment, etc.,” said Van Tol. “I then say, ‘No, how are you doing?’”
Half of the people start to cry, and many are men. A lot of people don’t ask caregivers how they’re doing.
As a caregiver, you may feel like the whole world is on your shoulders. Recognizing signs of overload is important:
- Feeling exhausted all of the time
- Getting sick more often than usual
- Not sleeping enough
- Feeling impatient, irritated or forgetful
- Not enjoying things you used to like
- Withdrawing from people
- Having small fights with the person with cancer
“Caregivers engage in comparative suffering, where they think that the patient has it worse, so their suffering doesn’t matter,” said Van Tol. “That’s not accurate or fair.”
First, drop the “Midwest mentality” of having to take everything on. And while you may need to sacrifice some things to care for another, that doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself.
Next, start implementing wellness-promoting practices to help make the situation better:
- Set boundaries. Save your energy by saying “no” to things you don’t want to do — even to the person who has cancer.
- Ask for help. Make a list of people who the person with cancer trusts and can help with specific tasks. Many people want to help, but aren’t sure how.
- Find support. Feeling angry, guilty, alone, afraid and/or sad is common for caregivers. Talking with other caregivers, a trusted friend or a therapist can alleviate those feelings. “We usually encourage caregivers to see a therapist,” said Van Tol. “Just because they’re not a patient doesn’t mean they’re not dealing with a lot.”
- Make time for yourself and other relationships. Doing something you enjoy gives you a much-needed break and is important to your well-being.
- Keep yourself healthy. Take care of your body by exercising, eating healthy food, staying hydrated and going to your primary care appointments.
- Get enough sleep. Caregivers might have trouble sleeping or stay up late to get extra things done. Prioritize sleep; it’ll help you face the day’s challenges.
- Be mindful of alcohol and other substances. Some caregivers turn to unhealthy habits in excess to cope. Limit alcoholic beverages to one drink a day for women and two drinks a day for men.
Van Tol enjoys working with caregivers. To her, it’s a privilege to help someone who’s helping someone.
“There are resources,” she said. “Together, we can come up with a plan that supports and cares for you as you do the same for another.”
