Are you and your child on a journey through the teenage years? You may have noticed your relationship has changed, or your conversations are more on edge lately. This is a necessary time to continue building a healthy relationship with your teen.
Trisha Justice, CNP, in pediatrics at Avera in Sioux Falls, SD, is here to help with great ideas and parenting tips through these challenging years.
“When building a trusting relationship with your teen, it’s important to have respect that is mutual. This will help your teen feel confident they can come to you with whatever subject matter they need to discuss,” said Justice.
1. Be Realistic About Your Expectations for Your Teenager
Parents, expect emotions. Teens may be any combination of dramatic dating relationships, hair-raising hormone levels, failed friendships or scary school situations. As they navigate on this path, understand that you may be the easiest target of their fatigue and frustration along the way.
“As parents, we know that many of the feelings our teens are having are part of growing up,” said Justice. “Help them understand that their emotions are valid and support them through tough situations so they can manage them in a way they can be proud of.”
2. Be Honest and Build Trust with Your Teen
Just like your teen isn’t perfect — neither are you. Admit your mistakes and be relatable when giving advice; it’ll build rapport with them when they know you had to own and learn from your mistakes.
“It’s important to always be as honest with your teen as possible,” said Justice. “If there is a circumstance that may not be appropriate to discuss with them, openly communicate that so they can understand your reasoning.”
3. Make Time for Real Conversations
Make yourself available for information relating to your teen. Ask your teen open-ended questions and listen.
“If you can try and set aside quality one-on-one time with your teen each week, that can go a long way in building a consistent meaningful relationship,” said Justice.
Talk to teachers, coaches, counselors or youth pastors about the struggles teens face, and don’t be afraid to approach those topics with your teen.
4. Be a Parent – Not a Friend
Teenagers need stability, responsibility and accountability, no matter how much they try to convince you otherwise. It may be temporarily an easier path to take “their side” when conflict arises, but the long-term effects can be damaging.
Consider what is best for your teen and stand your ground. Be firm, but with warmth. Their development requires consistent communication and guidance.
5. Encourage Instead of Criticize
When your teen was a child, they often reflected your interests and worldview. This can change in their teen years. Be curious and enjoy learning how this child who came from you now sees the world through different lenses than yours.
This can look like:
- Asking questions when differences arise.
- Being calm when they are not.
- Being proactive instead of reactive.
- Practicing your patience.
- Practicing respect and empathy.
“It’s important for your teen to know that you enjoy being there for them and helping them work through issues they may be facing,” said Justice. “You as the parent can lead by example in how you manage your own relationships and conflict, to demonstrate healthy and positive outcomes for them to witness.”
6. Get Smart about Smartphones
Smartphones can get in the way of connection, contributing to weaker relationships outside of the screen. Not only should you monitor or block certain apps on their phone, but you should practice getting off your phone as well.
By teaching good smartphone hygiene, your child:
- Learns the value of living in the moment
- Builds confidence regardless of likes and follows
- Acquires more independent thinking
- Develops better awareness of dangerous connections
Read more: Make Digital Well-Being a Habit for Your Kids
“Work on limiting smartphone use and other electronics and replacing them with family activities. Play a game, go for a walk or make a meal together,” suggested Justice. “This will be quality time that will build lasting memories and give them a healthy outlet that does not involve a screen.”
Reach Out for Help
Your primary care provider is a great resource for tips during the teen years. For additional help, you can also talk to a behavioral health expert.
